The biggest regret of my life

Loosing my Mother due to Lack of Knowledge

Yes you read it correctly, I lost my mother due to cancer and partially I blame myself for not saving her life due to lack of knowledge of proper food nutrition. Here is my story –

My mother was extremely talented in music, singing, dancing and painting, in other words music and singing was her passion. Being a house wife and mother of two kids in a joint family, she still used to take out some time for her singing. She did some top notch certification course (don’t remember the actual name) as well in music in her early days and wanted to do something in this filed, but as you know almost 35–40 years back the norms were not so smooth for her or were not in her favor where she could live her life as she wanted or could do something which she wanted against all the odds.

But cutting story short, my mother ended up as house wife where she devoted herself completely to her family and kept living her music passion by singing religious songs often in small to mid size gathering and sometime in various public gathering very much like a professional (but without charging a single penny). Well my father supported her talent to grow and accompanied her in those social gatherings or events. But my mother always pursued this more like a hobby (passion) rather than career later on.

Everything was good in her life except her health. Ever since my childhood I found her surrounded by some or other medical problem and visiting doctor’s place quite often. Sometime it used to be small medical problems but sometime it was large enough to make her admit in the hospital. She was also suffering from claustrophobia, an anxiety disorder and some sort of depression too for which she was on continuous medication. In food she always used to prefer light food which should not make her stomach upset or create gastro problem at the end of the day. Since as kids we (I and my younger sister) were least aware of these medical things in the beginning and later on became busy in studies (& career development).

Also due to lack of knowledge in food nutrition space, I myself was not aware whether she was having proper regular nutrition rich diet or not. We can also imagine the treatment and advice from doctors in small town of Indian cities about food nutrition. I hardly remember a doctor who advised on diet or nutrition rich food ever instead of medicine. This is the biggest problem in India’s medical system that doctors do not care about food, diet, nutritions in any patient’s daily life routine, but the truth is that almost all medical problems (in early stage) can be well treated, suppressed or even fixed with proper diet and with well balanced nutritions in the food.

Eventually things became worst and my mother was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a type of blood cancer at almost later stage of the disease. I remember her last days crystal clear when she was going through with chemotherapy, high doses of different medicines and severe pain caused by those medication process. It was utter most painful time for all of us and I can’t imagine how much pain she was going through each day. She fought with the monster for 1.5 years and never left hope till her last breathe.

Now after almost 4 years of her passing by and in my regular life routine, I somehow stumbled upon of having keen interest in body building. I started going gym regularly and started gaining knowledge about proper diet and nutritions by my own. Though in the past I had always been associated with some sort of outdoor sports like badminton, cycling, swimming etc. but never focused on body building and regular gym. After hitting gym, reading about diet, food nutrition and following diet plan, I realized how much is the importance of a proper diet in anyone’s life. What a miracle can be done by food if taken in right manner, as good diet can help building us desired shape of body similarly a proper nutrition rich diet can cure and prevent us from almost any kind of disease or better say prolong it for very later stage.

I wish I could have gained the knowledge of macro nutrition (carbohydrates, protein, fat) and micro nutrition (vitamins & minerals) and its effect of human body early. I wish I could have given proper food to my mother when she was lacking potassium, magnesium or zinc in her body and was given injections for them. I wish I could save her having joint pains or back pain by giving good balanced diet and by adding rich nutrients in her daily diet. I wish I could make her diet plans from morning till night and could add all those nutrients which were lacking in her body.

I also wish I could have introduced her to meditation as well when she was suffering from depression or claustrophobia. Yes I started doing meditation too since last 1–2 years to keep my mind calm and active in my work. In this age of social distraction, mediation is very important to keep our mind balanced with our body so that we can utilize our brain at its best potential. There is direct connection of healthy body and mind, as we do physical activity to keep our body fit similarly we should do mediation to keep our mind fit.

And don’t underestimate the power of nutrition rich diet. There is a famous quote by someone that body builds in kitchen and not in gym, this is 100% true and tested by myself on my own. I lost 8 kgs in 6 months with 6% body fat reduction and 2% muscle mass addition by following a good diet (keeping macro and micro nutrients balanced) and some regular exercise, now my next goal is to further reduce body fat and grow muscle mass.

But coming back to point, I regret that even being an educated person (masters in computer science), I could not save my mother from diseases and could not give a healthy life to her because I was uneducated (illiterate) in food nutritions, good diet, healthy body – mind & how to live disease free, healthy lifestyle knowledge.

As any other child I was very close to my mother. She was the most precious part of my life. Loosing my mother is the biggest regret of my life and also the biggest motivation too now to disperse the knowledge of proper nutrition rich diet to others so that they could save themselves or their loved ones from big diseases which don’t give a second chance sometime.

Ending my story here, this is the first time I am writing about my mother’s disease and her loss so openly on internet (my eyes are wet right now) and I hope people can understand the need & importance of good healthy food in their lifestyle and stop eating junk food (stop eating sugar right way, our body doesn’t need additional sugar specially that white sugar, its a slow poison).

This post was picked by a medium publication and have generated great responses from wise men.

I and my mother around 10 years back

The Joy of Living: My Favourite Notes from the Meditation Book

Book: The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness

Author: Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

Favourite Notes:

Every kind word, every smile you offer someone who might be having a bad day, comes back to you in ways you’d never expect.
If I observed every thought, feeling, and sensation that passed through my mind, the illusion of a limited self would dissolve, to be replaced by a sense of awareness that is much more calm, spacious, and serene.
The key—the how of Buddhist practice—lies in learning to simply rest in a bare awareness of thoughts, feelings, and perceptions as they occur.
I were to become aware of my habitual thoughts, perceptions, and sensations, rather than being carried away by them, their power over me would begin to fade. I would experience their coming and going as nothing more than the natural function of the mind, in the same way that waves naturally ripple across the surface of a lake or ocean.
Simply sit up straight, breathe normally, and allow yourself to become aware of your breath coming in and going out. As you relax into simply being aware of your inhalation and exhalation, you’ll probably start to notice hundreds of thoughts passing through your mind. Some of them are easy to let go of, while others may lead you down a long avenue of related thoughts. When you find yourself chasing after a thought, simply bring yourself back to focusing on your breath.
Becoming mindful is a gradual process of establishing new neuronal connections and inhibiting the gossip among old ones. It requires patiently taking one small step at a time, practicing in very short intervals.
Walk gently and you’ll reach your goal.
Confusion, I was taught, is the beginning of understanding, the first stage of letting go of the neuronal gossip that used to keep you chained to very specific ideas about who you are and what you’re capable of.
When the mind is realized, that is the buddha.
The Tibetan word for meditation, gom, literally means “becoming familiar with,” and Buddhist meditation practice is really about becoming familiar with the nature of your own mind—a bit like getting to know a friend on deeper and deeper levels.
The only difference between meditation and ordinary social interaction is that the friend you’re gradually coming to know is yourself.
The only difference between meditation and the ordinary, everyday process of thinking, feeling, and sensation is the application of the simple, bare awareness that occurs when you allow your mind to rest simply as it is— without chasing after thoughts or becoming distracted by feelings or sensations.
Most conflicts between people stem from a misunderstanding of one another’s motives.
Meditation is actually a very simple exercise in resting in the natural state of your present mind, and allowing yourself to be simply and clearly present to whatever thoughts, sensations, or emotions occur.
Many people resist the idea of meditation because the image that first comes to mind involves hours and hours of sitting ramrod straight, with legs crossed, and an absolutely blank mind. None of this is necessary.
There’s no way to achieve thoughtless meditation. Buddhist meditation does not in any way involve attempting to make the mind a blank. Meditation is really a process of nonjudgmental awareness.
Thinking is the natural activity of the mind. Meditation is not about stopping your thoughts. Meditation is simply a process of resting the mind in its natural state, which is open to and naturally aware of thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they occur. The mind is like a river, and, as with a river, there’s no point in trying to stop its flow. You may as well try to stop your heart from beating or your lungs from breathing. What purpose would that serve?
Meditation is so much easier than most people think: Whatever you experience, as long as you are aware of what’s going on, is meditation!
Meditation is a uniquely personal process, and no two people’s experiences are alike.
As long as you maintain awareness or mindfulness, no matter what happens when you practice, your practice is meditation
If you watch your thoughts, that is meditation. If you can’t watch your thoughts, that is meditation, too.
The essential thing is to maintain awareness, no matter what thoughts, emotions, or sensations occur. If you remember that awareness of whatever occurs is meditation, then meditation becomes much easier than you may think.
If you take a gradual path, your life might not change tomorrow, next week, or even a month from now. But as you look back over the course of a year or many years, you will see a difference.
The way I was taught, the development of loving-kindness and compassion begins with learning how to appreciate oneself.
Sanskrit word for “human being” is purusha, which basically means “something that possesses power.” Being human means having power; specifically, the power to accomplish whatever we want. And what we want goes back to the basic biological urge to be happy and to avoid pain.
Though you can practice formally at any time of day, I was taught that the best period to begin formal practice is first thing in the morning after a good night’s sleep, at which point the mind is most refreshed and relaxed, before getting involved with all the daily stuff. Taking the time to practice before you leave the house for work or to run whatever errands you have to do sets the tone for your entire day.
Given the busy schedules most people have nowadays, setting aside even fifteen minutes a day at the beginning for formal practice represents a substantial commitment. Whether you divide it up into three five-minute sessions or five three-minute sessions doesn’t matter.
Meditation is not a competition. The fifteen minutes you spend lightly in meditation practice may in the end prove much more beneficial than the hours spent by people trying too hard by practicing for longer periods of time.
Bringing meditation into your daily life is one of the main objectives of Buddhist practice. it’s possible to meditate anytime, anywhere.
You can watch your thoughts as you go through your day, rest your attention momentarily on experiences like taste, smell, form, or sound, or simply rest for a few seconds on the marvelous experience of simply being aware of the experiences going on in your mind.
You can practice anywhere—on the beach, at the movies, on the job, in a restaurant, on the bus or subway, or at school—as long as you remember that your intention to meditate is meditation.
When you bring conscious awareness to your activity, distractions and anxieties will gradually fade and your mind will become more peaceful and relaxed.
Enlightenment is possible only in that one way—from the inside.
There are two kinds of happiness: temporary and permanent. Temporary happiness is like aspirin for the mind, providing a few hours of relief from emotional pain. Permanent happiness comes from treating the underlying causes of suffering.
Genetically, it appears that human beings are programmed to seek temporary states of happiness rather than lasting traits. Eating, drinking, making love, and other activities release hormones that produce physical and psychological sensations of well-being. By releasing these hormones, survival-based activities play an important role in ensuring that we survive as individuals, and that the genes we carry are passed on to future generations.
We live in an interdependent world. If you want to improve the condition of your own life, then you need to depend on others to help you along the way.
When you deal with others in a compassionate, empathetic way, you can only improve the conditions of your own life.
Great benefit of developing compassion is that through understanding the needs, fears, and desires of others, you develop a deeper capacity to understand your own self—what you hope for, what you hope to avoid, and the truth about your own nature.
Everything you think, everything you say, and everything you do is reflected back to you as your own experience.
The first few months are always difficult. It’s hard to learn all the skills you need to master a job; it’s hard to motivate yourself to exercise; it’s hard to eat healthfully every day. But after a while the difficulties subside, you start to feel a sense of pleasure or accomplishment, and your entire sense of self begins to change.

Top TED talks on Meditation

As we know that TED talks show is the best way to learn something new everyday from the best people around the world. There are lot of TED talks on mediation and mindfulness practices of meditation. Here is a list of my favourite talks on meditation and its impact on your daily routine life.

Mindfulness meditation is the best way to reduce stress in your daily routine without doing any extra effort. Even you do not need to sit in silent for the sake of doing meditation. Below talk is all about mindful meditation. One of the most popular mobile app Headspace founder Andy Puddicombe describes the transformative power of doing just that: Refreshing your mind for 10 minutes a day, simply by being mindful and experiencing the present moment. When is the last time you did absolutely nothing for 10 whole minutes? Not texting, talking or even thinking? Listen below talk from mindfulness expert Andy Puddicombe.

Next talk is about breaking your bad habit through mindfulness or say mindful mediation. Do you want to quit a habit which you are trying to come out since a long but not able to stick your goal, listen to this TED talk from psychiatrist Judson Brewer. Can we break bad habits by being more curious about them? Judson Brewer studies the relationship between mindfulness and addiction — from smoking to overeating to all those other things we do even though we know they’re bad for us. Learn more about the mechanism of habit development and discover a simple but profound tactic that might help you beat your next urge to smoke, snack or check a text while driving.

Shawn Achor says if we can find a way of becoming positive in the present, then our brains work even more successfully as we’re able to work harder, faster and more intelligently. In this fast-moving and very funny talk, psychologist Shawn Achor argues that, actually, happiness inspires us to be more productive. Watch this talk to know the secret of being happy.

Do you want happiness in your life? Obviously yes, there would be hardly a single person in this planet who doesn’t want to be happy but how you get happiness, what are those things which make you happy in true sense? Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard says we can train our minds in habits of well-being, to generate a true sense of serenity and fulfilment. According to Matthieu Ricard its very easy to be happy in true sense, listen below talk to figure out how.

In this constantly moving world is there any way to remain calm and peaceful? If you closely look at yourself or others, you will observe that everybody is running fast as there is some race which all of us want to win. But nobody knows in which race they are running. Since everyone is running so we are. We are surrounded with fast pace technology, high speed computers, electronic gadgets and lot more other stuff which is making our mind constantly working or thinking something every bit. We need to pause our mind and make ourself still for sometime to enjoy the life or environment around us. Renowned traveller Pico Iyer takes a look at the incredible insight that comes with taking time for stillness. In our world of constant movement and distraction, he teases out strategies we all can use to take back a few minutes out of every day, or a few days out of every season. He names it “Art of Stillness”.

I hope your enjoyed watching and listening these amazing TED talks. Let me know if you want to add any other talk in this list so that other people can learn and get benefited from this.

How to practice meditation technic – Mindfulness

If you just sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time it does calm, and when it does, there’s room to hear more subtle things – that’s when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you could see before. This special kind of meditation technic is called “mindfulness”.

Here how the technique “mindfulness” works and how to practice it –

Sit cross-legged in a quiet place, preferably on a low pillow or cushion to reduce strain on your back. Your back should be straight in such a way that it should not hurt you. Take deep breaths.
Close your eyes and listen to your inner monologue, the thoughts that spin through your mind all the time: home, work, office, travel, movie etc. Those thoughts are the chattering of your “monkey mind.” Don’t try to stop it from chattering, at least not yet. Instead just observe how it jumps from thought to thought. Do this for five minutes every day for a week.
After a week, without trying to silence your monkey mind, during the meditation, shift your attention to your “ox mind.” Your ox mind is the part of your brain that thinks slowly and quietly. It senses things around you. It doesn’t try to assign meaning to anything. It just sees, hears, and feels. Most people only really hear their ox mind when they experience a “breathtaking moment” that temporarily stops the monkey mind from chattering. However, even when your monkey mind is driving you crazy with blah blah or hush hush, your ox mind is still there, thinking its slow, deep thoughts.
Once you’re feeling more aware of your ox mind, ask it to start quieting your monkey mind down. What worked for me was imagining the monkey mind going to sleep due to the slow walking of the ox as it moves patiently along a road. Don’t get upset if your monkey mind keeps waking up. It’s a monkey, so it can’t help acting like one. However, you’ll find that, despite its protests, your monkey mind would rather give it rest and stop making all that tiring and tiresome noise.
As your monkey mind calms down, continue to shift your attention to your ox mind. Each breath will seem to take a long time. You’ll feel the air on your skin. You may feel your blood flowing through your body. If you open your eyes, the world will look brand new and even rather strange.
While it can take a while to get there, you’ll know you’re doing the exercise correctly when it seems as if no time has passed at all between when you started the timer and when it goes off. When you succeed at that, gradually increase the amount of time you spend each day. Weirdly, no matter how long you practice, it will seem as if no time has passed.

In my experience, daily practice of mindfulness has three valuable results:

First, it completely eliminates stress. While the stress may return, it’s starting from scratch and thus has less chance of snowballing into something unmanageable.

Second, it eliminates insomnia. When I was practicing this regularly, I was able to close my eyes and go to sleep within two or three seconds. That alone is worth the effort, in my view.

Third, and most important, it allows you to think more clearly and more creatively about everything happening in your own life. In my case, I used the sense of calm to extract myself from an unhealthy relationship and a job that made me miserable.

So, while I can’t promise that practicing mindfulness will make you as creative as Steve Jobs, I can promise from my own experience that mindfulness will create positive change in your life.

A Journey without Gadgets

Recently I had the most amazing and relaxing journey so far I remember in recent time. Around a week back on my family vacation I did the most memorable flight journey with my son. Why this journey was so special and worth talking about it? How this journey was different from my past trips? Why do I want to share this with everyone? I am sure these must be the questions in your mind while reading this, I will answer each one soon but before that I want to share something which I read in a book before starting my journey.

One day before my trip to Lucknow from Bangalore I was reading a book and was impressed with one line sentence “Savour Your Environment To Live Your Life Happily“. This one line made a big impact on me and made me think that how many times do we miss the present moment which we are living in worry of future or in regret of past. We actually miss to live in the present moment whether we are having breakfast/lunch or dinner, drinking coffee, talking to our partner, walking in the garden/road or travelling with our family. Try to observe that we do not live in current moment, our mind is always busy in thinking about future or must be in memory of past. So I decided to give my best to live in present moment and see if I notice any change, do I enjoy the current moment, do I feel good.

A Journey Without Gadgets. Next day family vacation started from Bangalore. I did my packing previous night which include all my gadgets; camera, phone, Ipod, Kindle, macbook, ear phone, selfie stick and other essential items required in the trip. Our first flight was from Bangalore to Lucknow and I decided to use this time with my family and specially with my son (Adi), this was Adi’s first flight when he can actually enjoy it, his all previous flights were mostly in his mamma’s lap or in stroller. Adi’s curiosity is increasing day by day as he is growing. I wanted to live this moment with him.

I saw my son’s reactions on almost every thing whether its Uber ride till airport, putting luggage on airport trolly, getting into the gates, passing a smile to police person, getting his boarding pass and so on. The moment I got into the Uber cab from home, I stopped checking my phone and during whole trip first time I did not use any gadget. Generally I browse songs on Ipod to listen my favourite playlist, clean up my phone by deleting old messages, docs, notes. I also browse offline videos or read books on my Kindle. But this time I just savour it every bit with my family. I savoured everything around me; Adi’s naughtiness, my coffee at airport, my fellow co-passengers and much more. I saw one lady must be in her sixties looking out her window in airplane, she was smiling alone quite often. Sometime she used to stare outside window for a long time and in between she used to smile; may be she was also savouring the present moment and her time alone, remembering good old days or may be she is excited to meet her loved ones at the end of this flight. Even without knowing her or talking to her I was happy to see her smiling. Someone has truly said that “happiness is hidden behind small things around you”.

My son Adi did not sleep for a single moment during whole journey and so did I. He was curious to know every thing around him; tray table, seat cover, seat handle, push button, seat belt, window shutter, light above his head, aircraft sound, crew announcement, pilot announcement, food served and so many other things. He asked so many questions and I just savoured that moment. I was smiling on his curiosity and his reaction on every answer.

I must say that this was the most amazing flight journey I had so far. I generally hate boring flight journeys; sitting at one one place, hearing same kind announcements, seeing same hand gestures of crew members. I used to plug my ear phones the moment I used to enter in flight, but this time it was different, I did not realize that I was sitting at same place and almost same sitting posture for last 2.5 hours. And when I landed in Lucknow (capital of Uttar Pradesh, a state in India), I was very relaxed, my mind was like I took a long deep sleep though I did not sleep a bit. Whole journey my mind was busy doing something at that moment. I asked my self why I am feeling so relaxed, light and fresh; because I lived in present moment, no thought about past, no worry about future, no phone, no music, no Kindle, no any other gadget. I lived in that moment with my son and family. I savoured the time, the meal, the journey and the place.

Art of savouring; give time yourself to savour the environment around you. When you are drinking a coffee; don’t just drink it while checking your emails; instead savour the coffee and its flavour. Savour the environment around you while drinking coffee, see the people around you. Savouring helps in relaxing your mind, it helps in keeping you in present moment, living the current moment and focusing on present thing. Its one kind of meditation where you focus on only one thing at a time, just one thing which you are doing in current moment.